Hey Nat,

Gene Simmons is gonna sue you!

You stole this format from Gene's Letters page.  I should know, I read it every day (or at least, every day there's new postings).  Love the site.

Jarratt "Blaze" Bryan

Nat Funk's Response:

I hope he does! Notice also that this web page is actually titled "fanstories.html", just as it is on his site! How cool would it be to be sued by Gene Simmons? Bring it on, baby!

For those of you who wanna see it... Gene's Letters Page.

Asshole.

I went to your open mike night at that shit hole club. It was fun for the most part. Until you threw the fat guy and his hairy friend from the stage only to be replaced by another band who tuned up for half an hour. I have more to bitch about. Secondly, the plastic cups at said shit hole is totally unacceptable!!! Enough said. Thirdly, if you ever find the identity of the jackass sending you hate mail from Craigs list I will gladly pound his head in on my next visit. I've always been a tester. Go call your mom.

Nat Funk's Response:

Shot glasses made of glass? Whoever heard of such a thing? Go call YOUR mom.

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Nat Funk's Response:

Way better than the last guy's letter.

Dear Nat Funk Dot Com,

It seems Nat Punk Strikes again. First he steals the open mic night from two of the niceist guys I have ever met (hope your feeling better Scott now that you are out of the hospital, even though all the work you did for the open mic night at traxx is now being reaped by the Nat punk assholes, I mean allstars... yeah right)

Then he's so illiterate that he spells open mic, m-i-k-e- showing his stupidity and inexperience, and no it's not alright to spell it m-i-k-e- thats a guys name and is never used for microphone.
Now he's taking pot shots at Muscians on Craigslist and getting on the wrong people for the wrong things.Re: Bassist for improv/cover band

Here is what Nat had to say after attacking someone for no reason, He was good enough to say sorry but dumb enough to jump to conclusions first.
As Nat says he is a dumb ass, and I won't go to the New Open Mic. the old one was much better.
"Apparently my medication isn't working right because I heard from the guy who posted the original ad. I thought is was aimed at me, and it wasn't. I apologize to him and everyone else that read the posts. I take full ownership of my mistake and wish the original poster the best of luck - there is plenty of room on the island for more bands like this, especially his.

I have to put my foot back in my mouth now, so that's all for now. "Dope!"
-Nat Funk aka Angelo" aka "Dumb-ass"

I will never play at traxx again until this asshole and his band are gone. And all this while my friend was in a hospital bed calling up bands to make sure their would be bands playing the open mic night, very classy Mike and Kevin you guys are a real piece of work. no spell check was used to write this.

Nat Funk's Response:

I'm beginning to become more than slightly irritated by your posts. I'd appreciate your stopping. If you have a bone to pick with Mike, or Kevin at TRAXX  I'd prefer if you do so in person. I have nothing to do with those issues of yours. I didn't frequent the place, hence I had no idea what kind of open mike they were producing there. I was under the impression that no one was hosting it. I offered to host it, and now I am. I had hosted the original open mike there from 1999-2003. I stopped because I had to change my work schedule - waking earlier on Thursday mornings.

Adam and Scott are more than welcome to engage with me if they so choose. Adam wasn't there last week by his own choice. Everyone is welcome. If Scott would like to return to hosting the open mike, and the club wishes this as well - by all means have them let me know. I'm sure by this point TRAXX will frown upon the idea based solely on your bad-mouthing the club, and the people whom work there -  allegedly all on Scott and Adam's behalf. I would further suggest that Scoot and/or Adam wouldn't approve of your spewing and would rather speak for themselves. I would be embarrassed by your antics.

Lastly, even if I wanted to stop hosting the open mike at TRAXX I would continue to host it for the sole purpose of irritating you personally. That is my only true pleasure in life. Irritaing you makes me happy, and I like to be happy.

If you would please refer to the many references of the word "Microphone" being abbreviated as "mike", that might help expand your lax understanding of the English lexicon - even though you didn't use spell check, your choice of homophones was severely lacking in both success and correctness. For example, misuse of there/their in this excerpt: "...bands to make sure their would be bands playing.."


Refer to this one of many articles supporting my spelling of "open mike" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_mic

Also, since it has been branded "Nat Funk's Open Mike" - I may spell it in any new or unusual way that I choose. Whereas one might say "Frapachino."

Personally insulting me behind the anonymous email of craigslist suggests to me that you are both afraid of me and dishonorable to boot. I will undoubtedly earn the respect and friendship of people who know your identity. I suggest you stop now in order to remain anonymous.